Captain Lee Rosbach’s Greatest Moments! | Below Deck Compilation | Bravo

Certainly can’t be the first time a guest has told you that they thought you were bitchy.
Sure you don’t want to grab a brush too?
That’s OK.
You guys seem to be doing it just fine.
I can only be one captain on a boat on this one I’m at.
Wait a minute.
I’m getting two different hand signals.
You guys need to make up your mind.
I have a low level of tolerance for stupid.
And why is that smirk on your face?
Sam is the happy person.
Inside the goddamn Jacuzzi.
I’m going to fire.
As the captain, you’re not allowed to show your anxiety to the crew.
But right now, the pucker effect is so strong you couldn’t drive a straight pin up my ass with a 10 pounds sledgehammer.
The pucker factors in overdrive.
You couldn’t grab a straight pin up my ass with a 10 pounds sledgehammer right now.
Couldn’t drive a straight pin up my ass with a 10 pounds sledgehammer.
Suck it up, cupcake.
Suck it up, green buff.
Suck it up, cupcake.
Suck it up.
Cream puff.
Glass is stronger in a four Packard goat, drunker and a four Packard goat.
And the power vested in me as captain of this vessel.
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss your bride or not.
I know you love me.
I do.
It’s my job to make sure that the guests are happy.
Was it uncomfortable?
Absolutely it was terrible.
I just want to say a couple of things about the season in general.
I thought there was way too much whining, complaining, bitching about a job that we were all hired to do.
So I got a little present.
No if the shoe fits, you can just lace that bitch up and wear it.
But that’s going to leave a mark.
I’d like somebody to take me to dinner.
It’s 8:00.
Let’s go.
I want people up.
I’m sorry.
You’re tired and you drank more than you should have last night.
But we’ve got a lot, a lot of work to do.
Why are we not on deck?
Wake up.
Really for you.
Get a grip.
Jesus Christ.
One for you.
Oh so I would rather drag my Dick through 10 miles of broken whiskey bottles and have these holes on my boat again, Messing around with the third stew.
He knows better.
He was letting one head do the thinking for the other head.
I need one with the captain as well.
Come on.
There’s a captain.
We get all kinds of requests from the guests.
I’ll have sit on your lap, captain.
Works for me.
Then some requests are better than others.
Beautiful, gorgeous.
Fierce it’s very good to be the captain.
Captain, your mother’s here because your mother’s passed now, is that correct?
No oh, she’s alive.
She’s alive.
OK, well, I feel like she’s in.
No, because you don’t know.
Did you receive a letter about your mom?
Any documentation with your mom?
No, none.
I think it would be sufficient to say that I might be a bit skeptical.
I think it’s a crock.
You got to see it or not.
Yes you get out here and you go like man and look so nice and look so calm.
And then you look behind this and these are the small ones.
And it just be a steady diet of this all day, I believe.
Well, joke’s on us.
There’s a small part of me That is just enjoying the hell out of this.
All right, you all need to get your butts in the seats.
We need to be seated.
Let’s get seated.
Oh, my God.
Ha ha ha.
Aloha, Yuka.
I’m Don Ho’s brother ass.
By the power vested in me by the great Hawaiian King.
Come on.
I want.
Finally I do declare this officially.
Jason, swing day.
Let the games begin.
I’m not quite sure where Trevor is going with this whole arm signal stuff.
Just tell me it’s off the bottom.
I’ll sit there like, you know, I with the limp Dick motion or whatever the hell that means.
You guys look like Moe, Larry, and Curly up there, for crying out loud.
Kelly, Kelly Lee.
Go for Kelly.
I need you to up the dining area and clean up some leftover food.
Nudge it up.
I’m not your mother.
I’m not going to clean up after you.
Jesus Christ.
Put up a two car funeral.
It’s not that goddamn tough.
So we screwed the pooch.
You guys really screwed the pooch.
And I really don’t want to see you screwed the pooch.
OK, here’s the deal.
Instead of just walking the dog around, you need to use the command go poo poo.
And the dog is supposed to have a Squat Roger that.
Commencing new technique.
May I come in?
Can I just tell you something?
He’s loose on the water.
I’m going to call you captain deuce.
He is Captain deuce.
I’m flattered.
Is that a joystick?
He’s like, the nicest.
Yeah I mean, can somebody bail my ass out here, please?
Let’s have dinner.
OK I love you.
You got to go with us.
Yes Thank you.
He’s such a nice guy.
Yeah I mean, I’ve got more fingerprints on my ass than the FBI.
He has amazing taste.
Surprised I had any ass left.
Hashtag, get me the BLEEP out of here.
I got to get a picture of that sunset or moonrise to Haitian moon.
It’s a way to make it up to them.
Tonight I’m dressing up, trying to get him in a good mood.
We’ve got to pull out all the stops, and a gentleman doesn’t leave home without taking his tux.
It’s just good taste.
Is request.
Dirty themed drinks like blowjob shots.
Can we get any of those little Dick lollipops?
Anything for you, captain.
Good watch the bow, please.
God damn it.
Did you not hear me when I said watch the bow, please?
Obviously not.
Right now, what I’d like to do is rip your head off.
I am madder and a pissed on chicken.
I’m mad and a pissed on chicken.
I was just mad or pissed on chicken.
I’m livid. Pissed on chickens.
Can’t compare.
They’re acting like assholes.
I’ve had enough.
It can be hell to pay in the morning.
And I’m met another person.
Mr Sykes stands a better chance of seeing God in the next 30 seconds to times before he’s ever going to spray me with a bottle of champagne.
You are the epitome of lit that knows how to get lit this charter.
Wow I think I would rather have somebody pull me through a knothole in the fence by my Dick than have these guys back.
I’m buying time.
And if the caviar doesn’t show up, I’m sitting here with my Dick in my hand.
There’s no crying in Yadi.
We’re going to start crying now anyway.
Yeah we all know that this past year has been tumultuous, frightening, and, shall we say, just a wee bit uncertain.
But the difficult times have reminded us of the vows that we have made our partners today.
We’re here in the beautiful Caribbean to celebrate your bonds with each other and reaffirm your vows.
And I’m following you here.
Oh, hey, you’re going down there.
OK, where are you going?
Wow, you got those double doors?
I’m going to my room alone.
Have a good night.
Thanks you have a good night.
She was going to follow me in here.
Love that guy.
I’m proud of you.
You’ve done well for yourself.
Thanks appreciate it.
Condescending little prick.
I need to get everybody to their muster stations.
And you’re not answering your thing.
Radio are you kidding me?
I just come up like a cheap suit all over somebody for not having their radio.
That just pisses me off to no end.
How does a boat this size n up with not one Swing deck on board per deck crew?
It’s a major one.
I have to sit there and eat a sandwich and a totally correctable and foreseeable situation.
There just aren’t words to describe what a colossal up it is.
So let’s just go to work.
2 and 1/2 days.
Jesus Christ.
I can eat a sandwich every second for 2 and 1/2 days.
The epitome of a sandwich, a one arm deckhand, is about as useful as a one legged man at an ass kicking contest, is as nervous as a horn, a front row Pew at church.
This is rough as a jerk.
A road lizard might be a little late, but I’m definitely back.
I’d rather sandpaper a Tigers ass in a phone booth than Miss a charter.
That’s not happening, I bet.
A red wine, baby.
No, those are sharks, Delores.
You don’t like.
Oh, my God.
Son of a bitch.
I don’t need dead bodies.
Here, have some bacon.
You can’t have anything.
You need to get your goddamn ass back to this boat.
Now, we are not even close to the goddamn finish line.
So good.
Either get your heads out of your ass or I will eat your ass.
There’s a lot of donkeys around Antigua and somebody’s got to take care of the ones that can’t take care of themselves.
So I think going to a donkey sanctuary is a good experience for the crew.
I’m taking my jackasses to see their jackasses.
Let’s see who’s got the top jackass.
How you doing?
You good?
I just spoke to my energy healer.
OK Yeah.
What is an energy healer do?
Is her energy busted?
Did she break it?
That’s what I met.
Mary Ann.
Mid-eighties changed my life, and that’s what I was doing in the 80s.
Changing my life and trying to look cool, but it didn’t work out so well.
We have an issue, sir.
Look at me.
Shrunk shrunk.
OK OK.
How about it’s not mine?
Oh, that’s not ideal, is it?
That’s weird.
Comical, huh? Crush it.
Look like a pork sandwich at a Jewish picnic.
These are the doctors you’re going to see when you go into the emergency room and they’re going to save your life.
You want to get drunk and puke over the side of the boat.
Guess what, cap?
You’ll be right there holding your hair back.
Their service and dedication means that much to me on.
What do you think it’s like?
That’s why I get paid the big bucks.
Yeah