Ellie Takes Over | Below Deck Down Under S4 E9

Hello. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening to you. And >> good night.
>> I’m Dylan. And that’s Pat.
>> Hey, >> Kaylin’s behind the glass.
>> Hello.
>> How’s that banana milkshake?
>> It’s delicious.
>> I gave Kalin a little banana milkshake zin.
>> That’s nice of you.
>> Thank you.
Doesn’t that sound gross?
>> I didn’t hear I just know that you got him something that you didn’t bring for me. And I’m not turning this into a bit, but obviously you did. Did you guys talk before the show?
>> You know what? Give him one.
>> I don’t want one now.
>> No, give him one.
>> Here you go.
>> Here.
>> What is this? Oh, I don’t want this.
[laughter] >> Yeah.
[clears throat] >> It’s like you giving him a a buzz ball, you know?
>> I don’t want that. I’m not insulted.
>> What are you looking at in your phone?
>> Well, I because we watched this episode of Below Deck and um I’m just going to be honest with you. I haven’t said this in a long time. We did this for a while in probably midway through our journey through recapping episodes. I don’t think there’s a lot here. I’m concerned that I don’t think we can make it to the 45 minute mark, which uh peak behind the curtain. That means a little bit of monetary stuff for us with ads and stuff like that. I I’m I’m going to struggle >> to get there. So, I’m going to add some filler.
>> Yeah. See, for me, you of course, you know, we’re we’re here to um we’re here to entertain the masses. We’re here to bring a smile to the faces of those in the darkness andor the light, you know.
>> Well, that’s why I was looking at my phone. I’m going to bring light to the masses.
>> Okay. Can I finish?
>> Oh, sure.
>> But we’re also here to make make gu, you know, to quote to quote Wuang, cash rules everything around me. You know, you big Wuang. You’re a big Wuang guy.
>> Oh, 36 Chambers. Oh, man. That’s a masterpiece. Are they the ones that do the I’m going to sew your [ __ ] shut and just keep feeding you and feeding you and feeding you? Is that what they that >> I think that was the movie Centipede?
>> No, no, no, no. Inspired by Wuang, I think. But anyways, uh 45 minutes is a very round wonderful number for a narrative fulfillment in a below deck recap podcast. So that’s usually why we try to hit that mark. tonight and I think throughout the, you know, the season in general, >> you know, I’m a little concerned. I don’t know if we’re in a malaise because of the years and years of >> it’s not that >> what is going on.
>> I don’t know.
>> We got bugs in here. There’s a lot of flies.
>> All right. The doors were open on We did movie night in the studio last night. We had We had the doors open cuz we were smoking cigars. I apologize, but Dylan, this is an audio format. They’re not seeing the flies. This is only a you thing. No, let it go.
>> There’s there’s cameras all over the place.
>> Well, oh my god, you want to hear something crazy? So, I’m watching the finale of uh Laws of Attra or Attraction something on Netflix, whatever.
>> Fatal Attraction, >> whatever it was.
>> Yeah.
>> Boy, a bunch of producers must have gotten fired for this during the commitment ceremony. Basically, the love is blind wedding at the altar, the finale where the two people are either going to break up or uh stay committed forever or whatever, >> right?
>> They pick this location where there’s a bunch of [ __ ] flies everywhere.
[laughter] >> I want every single couple or they got like a million flies like planting like seeds of new mosquitoes on their heads.
>> Did you know flies [ __ ] every time they land?
>> Is that right?
>> Mhm.
>> Oh my god. Boy, are we doing uh good adding filler so far, Ken? Great.
>> We got three minutes we killed there.
>> But let’s talk about the season. I I I I worry because I worry more about us because >> of Attraction was the show.
>> We’re going to be fine. But >> I don’t I I I do mirror your sentiment that something’s missing. Kayn Kalin, we’ve told you so many times once the show starts, you can’t stand. You have to remain seated the entire time. I mean, how many times I think he’s trying to have we said that. Okay.
While we think that the show is lacking, I also have to ask myself what more we could ask for tonight. We had love, we had conflict, we had incompetence, we had disgusting looking food, we had everything you could possibly ask for in a below deck episode. I mean, the eggs looked like discharge, you know. Well, you know, I I guess we could talk about when we get there, but one of those eggs, I don’t know how this even happened. I think one of those eggs actually had a a living chicken come out. And the chicken was uh >> so happened to be alive, he was he was going to be a chicken McNugget.
>> Uhhuh.
>> And he actually ended up being alive.
>> Yeah.
>> And I was like, imagine what’s going to be written on that goddamn comment card.
>> Two stars. Okay.
>> Almost ate a living chicken in my eggs.
>> Yeah, almost ate a living chicken who was destined to become a chicken McNugget in my eggs. Not a fan. Two stars. Um, before we get into the episode, housekeeping. We’ve got summer house. We’ve got >> Real Housewives of Rhode Island.
>> We’re doing that at Patreon.
>> Uh, I think that one’s going to be >> Yeah, that’s a [clears throat] Patreon.
And then we’re going to do the Valley free.
>> Right. Exactly. Okay. So, um, go to patreon.com/nother podcast network. Donate a little or a little more. As much as you can give.
>> Okay. Yeah.
>> Not as much, just within the tears.
>> Here’s my pitch on This is why I was looking at my phone.
>> Yeah.
>> Uh here’s the pitch for Patreon. Okay.
Just this week, we dropped another uh podcast show.
>> Yeah.
>> Where uh we talked about a lot of stuff, but uh basically I complained uh that my wife doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore. You know, I don’t know why. I got a six-pack right now. I’m funny. I heard women like humor. I’m a nice guy.
I take her out to nice dinners. I hug her and kiss her all the time. Despite all that, she does not want anything to do with me. So, a bunch of our female listeners in the comment section gave a bunch of advice. And one woman, >> one female listener, dare I say a hero, she said, you know, uh, when I didn’t want to have sex with my husband, I said, uh, once a week, and I’m not recommending this to anybody. She said, I told this [ __ ] okay, I don’t want anything to do with you. You can have sex with me for five minutes once a week. I think she put a stopwatch on her back or something to keep track of it, right? I wouldn’t want that cuz I’d be too focused on the stopwatch and I get nervous up at my head. But anyway, that’s the solid kind of stuff we get from our listeners, the little Patties.
Oh, and then I wanted to say and then I we you and I did a wonderful PMZ. That’s my show where I talk about anything that I want to. And I want the listeners to see the spectrum. These are the people that pay us big bucks to hear shows like the one I put out. Um, one reviewer, this is the latest review. Uh, this is, uh, a reviewer that said, “Hands down, one of the best PMZs episodes on record, start to finish, pure gold. Patrick is unhinged in the abs absolute best way possible.” And then just a few comments down, “Wow, I experienced the complete opposite.” Sounded like an episode of a few bitter men. Now, this is a person that pays us every >> Can you believe that?
>> You know what? I didn’t think we were bitter. I I I don’t really think that there see a bitterness implies that there is something to be bitter about.
Whereas PMZ is wallto-wall nonsense. I mean, we genuinely do not care about anything that we are talking about on PMZ. I mean, Pat literally wrote an email to Buzzball, blaming Kalin for a message that had previously been sent about blaming Buzzball for Patrick blacking out on OMPic and making members of a restaurant unfortable.
Okay, bitter. I mean, we’re talking about nonsense.
>> How can you be bitter about a freaking, you know, >> nonsense? Okay, let’s get into the episode. Um, Kaitlin, how many pots would you give it?
>> Uh, 50 pots. Seems high.
>> Yeah. Um, Ben is Ben is losing it a bit.
>> Losing it now a bit.
>> The food’s been dirt from the beginning.
And tonight we have a >> we served a living chicken.
>> Tonight we have a, you know, uh, are you familiar with the film adaptation of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Dr.
Are you?
>> Yeah, >> you are.
>> Really?
>> Well, that’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
>> No.
>> Oh, it’s not.
>> Is it Ooze? Dr. Ooze. Who’s the purple guy? Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, the film adaptation.
>> Oh, >> he’s purple. Ooze.
>> Oh, Kaitlin’s looking that up.
>> Yeah, I think I don’t know what he’s doing.
>> By the way, [clears throat] deep dive on PMZ last year.
>> Ivan, >> 19 Power Rangers have died in mysterious ways. Yeah, >> the curse of the Power Rangers did a deep dive on that.
>> Don’t ever be a Power Ranger. You’ll die.
>> Walter Emanuel Jones is still doing good.
>> Okay, >> so anyways, the chicken came from the ooze that was discharged out of the veggie omelette. We’ll get to it. But the reason why I say Ben is losing it a little bit is because it seems as though when when he was when he was reprimanding and uh condemning and uh you know, depending on your vantage, verbally assaulting Alicia. Um which I don’t think so.
>> Alicia.
>> Alicia.
Um, he had the gravitas of a self-important chef who thinks he’s important because he was on a couple of seasons of Below Deck. That is gone. Now Ben seems hapless, hopeless, and helpless in the presence of one Balkan biscuit who I’ll go on to next.
Unhinged.
Okay. I understand that just because you’re from a different culture doesn’t mean that you have to get on a chemical cocktail to rearrange your emotions. But maybe think about it. I don’t know. 12 pots.
>> 12 pots. Uh I want to address quite a few things that you just talked about. I think uh the Balkan biscuit at some point with Ben and the pots and pans. I think she’s triggered. I think >> Oh, the bombs.
>> I think she’s seeing the Scud missiles coming down and she’s running trying to dodge them.
>> Right. Okay.
>> God, I didn’t think about that.
>> Now, we were supposed to have Alisia as a guest today, and I have said, uh, booking a Cat as a guest on this podcast is literally a coin toss whether or not they’re going to show up on the heads or tails.
>> And I’ve always amended that to a bent coin. You take a a plier to it, you bend it one way so that it, you know, >> it’s even less likely that it’s going to happen.
>> Now, uh, it wasn’t her fault. So says the PR at Bravo, but our favorite PR person over at Bravo can do whatever she wants.
>> We love her.
>> We love her.
>> Yes, that was hilarious. You and [laughter] it’s a joke. But >> many questions came from our barnacles.
>> Well, we can say it. I, you know, we were messaging with Bravo PR. I noticed a change in the surname. I said, “Congrats. Somebody got married.” She said, “I got married two years ago.” >> And I said, [laughter] “Congratulations.” >> Yeah. Yeah, it doesn’t matter. We’re still saying congrats.
>> That’s right.
>> Yeah.
>> Well, um, one of the questions for Alicia, if she had shown up today, >> we’ll get her on, of course.
>> Unless she gets fired in two episodes, >> right?
>> In which, >> which is normally how this works, >> right?
>> Um, was uh uh is she still together with Harrison, her boyfriend?
>> Oh, God, I cannot wait.
>> And I said, well, I was going to say had she been here today, let’s reframe that question. M >> uh did you dump him immediately after filming or before the first episode airing?
>> Yeah. Yeah. [laughter] >> Yeah.
>> So anyway, that was addressing Alicia.
Uh okay. I >> did not like this episode. No.
>> It just >> while it had all the elements that a good episode of Below Deck was, shitty food, love, Cats being incompetent, all that stuff, there still was something missing. And I can’t put my goddamn [ __ ] finger on it.
>> Jaylen, what do you think it was?
>> It’s all right.
[sighs] >> Well, uh, that being said, not a good episode. Not a good episode. I’m going to give it a low score, 14 knots.
>> No, but what do you think was missing?
>> No ball snakes.
>> That’s That’s true. Probably >> because Yeah, it’s a 4-day charter.
>> Yeah, four-day charters are way too long. And we say it every time. We say it every season. Every time it comes up, we go can’t do four days. Not with C- Rats, not with us.
>> By the way, you are 100% right. There is a different Ben here.
>> What happened is I think he’s finally settling back into Cat status. So, he came in with the ego.
>> Yeah.
>> He was squashing Alicia, different guy.
And now he’s kind of like, “Oh, wow. I’m back here.” Holy [ __ ] balls.
>> Yeah. Yeah. And he better be careful.
He’ll he’ll wind up like Anakin with his his legs lit on fire in Metawaku or wherever the [ __ ] that happened. He lost the high ground.
>> Anakin.
>> Yeah. [laughter] >> Wow.
>> Mhm.
>> Okay, let’s get started. You want us to start us off?
>> Yeah, I’d love to.
>> Okay.
>> All right. We begin with uh the Balkan Biscuit.
>> Did Did you Did you mean to say Can I start us off?
>> Yeah, I did. Okay. Yeah, I was up late last night. By the way, my I was going to complain about my wife, but let’s get started. So, [laughter] >> she has not let off the off my back for like three days. I haven’t gotten a goddamn break.
>> Can I tell you what my wife did this week? Oh my god. You know what?
>> Let’s save it for another That’s why you pay us five bucks. Okay, we begin with the balk and biscuit tracking down.
>> It’s unbelievable. They say things and you go, “Do you understand how mean that is?” They go, “I didn’t mean it to be.
How could you have not meant it to be mean? It was one of the meanest things.
>> Kayn, do you The same thing happen. Oh, his wife listens to this. Don’t Don’t feel like you have to.
>> No, we don’t want to throw Kay. No, >> I know how much you love your wife.
>> No, they have a loving relationship. We don’t want to drive a wedge between those two starcross lovers.
>> Okay.
>> You’re like two robins dancing in the air.
>> Well, me and Pat, I mean, I don’t know what we are.
>> Yeah, >> I don’t know what we are.
>> I’m a lonely person. [laughter] Uh the bulk and biscuits tracks down Hot Pants Captain Jason. He’s just standing around.
>> Storms through Wow. I mean, you know, there are M&M’s to eat.
>> Uh he’s she storms through the boat >> and she is rattled. So much so that uh as she starts like listing all the issues she has with Ben, I don’t think she had time to really focus in and uh contemplate how to articulate this properly to Hot Pants Captain Jason.
It’s all over the goddamn place.
>> Now, had she been a man, >> sorry to make this possibly sexist. Men deal with this kind of stuff differently.
>> A good portion of men deal with stuff differently, but there are men that are extremely catty and extremely manipulative. They embark in behaviors that would be classically described as, you know, famili.
>> Oh, well, let me tell you how 50% of the population would have dealt with this.
Uh a dude uh these are alternate uh recourses to blow off some steam. Uh dude would have obviously shuffled his iPod in the employee bathroom, right?
Okay, that’s one.
>> That’s when you beat off and you rub your your your genitals like we used to have the iPod wheel.
>> That’s right.
>> Yeah.
>> Like how it was in crass.
>> I do like how you were in crass. It’s important to not be crass.
>> Yep. He poached poach an egg in the toilet. Yeah. There you go. Or >> that’s when you boof your thumb while you’re doing it.
>> Yep.
>> Or like a former coworker of all three of us, uh, walk around the corner in the hallway and punch [laughter] the wall and then, uh, grunt like an insane person. Remember that guy, Kayla?
>> Then we hate that [ __ ] [ __ ] >> We don’t hate him as much as you do. You ask [laughter] >> I couldn’t believe it. I’d be like, “Where did he go?” And then you’d start hearing a thud against the wall >> and it was always really like >> I I just reminded him to send an email.
I don’t know why he’s punching the wall right now.
>> It would [laughter] be that. [gasps] >> Yeah.
>> Um Okay. So yeah, Ellie, I think, you know, not to make fun of PTSD, which is a very serious uh [sighs] >> uh disorder. Um but I think there could be like a beautiful mind kind of situation here where you know how he sees equations in the sky. Mhm.
>> She could be seeing, you know, Scuds >> as she’s, you know, going through the boat. She doesn’t really see a guest there. She sees a Scud going off.
>> That’s right.
>> You know, >> by the way, you know that beautiful mind guy.
>> Yeah.
>> Him and his wife. He’s dead.
>> Went through the front of their [ __ ] car window and flew into a tree. I wonder if he saw numbers at that tree.
He was like calculating like three, two, one, and back.
>> Well, you know what I mean?
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It would yeah it would have been more like uh more advanced calculations mass meaning tree trees mass velocity.
>> What a beautiful way to die.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
>> Doing math calculations for your brain turning into sludge.
>> Okay. [laughter] >> You’re on one today, huh?
>> I had a bad couple days. [laughter] >> All right.
So she storms through the boat. She goes up to captain. She says, I don’t even know what she said. She was crying and hyperventilating. This is a, you know, a word for for anyone out there. If you’re going to approach the head of the company, right, >> which we could say Jason is the head of this company, this small little roving company of >> derelicts, >> dereliks and uh society vanquished people.
take a few beats before you go and do it, right? Because you don’t want to go to your boss in a bout of manic [ __ ] rage. It’s just not a good look. And >> she should have beat off.
>> J [laughter] Jason was really really like, “What the [ __ ] is going on?” Uh, but there’s food to get going. We’ve got a dinner to get to. Uh, as is tradition, we’ve got uh lemon drops for the paying guests. Those lemon drops are um movie slurpee icy blue, which makes all the sense in the world. It’s like so nuts what happens on these boats. Hey, can we get some champagne for our room? It was supposed to be in there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no problem. The guy that’s uh bringing it is actually just boofing his thumb right now in his bunk, but it’ll be up there in a little bit. I mean, it’s just nuts.
>> I’ll get him. Um, Ellie storms back down and Ben says, “I don’t want to work around you right now.” And she says, “Shut the [ __ ] up and get the [ __ ] over it.” >> Can I say this?
>> I don’t know how she’s on this boat after this night.
>> At least she called him by his name, Ben. She didn’t call him honey or something. You know what I mean?
>> Yeah, exactly. Uh, first dish is crispy pork belly with a warm Brussels sprout salad and a parmesan crisp. Uh, the inclusion of the um the descriptor warm is an interesting one. [laughter] that >> one to me. Um, you know, it it happens uh when you’re out and about in uh in restaurants and whatnot. Um I would hope it’s warm. I certainly would hope the wedding is tomorrow and um and they’re not wearing white.
>> You know why? These two have absolutely ravaged one another already. And I didn’t even know that you wear white to signify that you are still a virgin.
>> Which um I I think you know in this this Sodom and Gomorrah goddamn pagan country we live in nowadays, I would imagine 98% of people that doesn’t apply to.
>> Oh, I wish it was 98.
>> What do you think it is?
>> Zero. [laughter] >> No, no, no. No.
Okay. All right. Um, so uh we get grouper with a pistachio crumble and mashed potatoes.
>> Let me tell you about groupers cuz you know I know about uh the fish. Yeah, groupers. They’ll [ __ ] eat anything.
They’re the garbage trucks of the [ __ ] sea. You hate seab bugs? These [ __ ] things, anything floating in the ocean, they’ll eat [ __ ] used condoms, [ __ ] fingers, [snorts] [ __ ] tacos, anything.
>> Hey, well, I I know you’ve had a couple of tough days, but I mean the potty mouth on you tonight, I [laughter] mean, it’s crazy.
Ben, as things are kind of going fairly well, says to Jo, I need you to get in here and rotate these dishes. And Ellie, who is, it’s important to remember, you know, if this is your first time watching the show, you’d probably go, “Oh, Ellie’s a pretty tough boss on Ben.” No, that’s not uh the dynamic, actually. Uh it’s >> [snorts] >> uh the reverse. But when Ben says that Ellie tells him to uh shut his little [ __ ] ass up and that she’s going to actually be doing the dishes, it’s it’s insane the way she’s talking to him. And we’re a fan of the Balkan Biscuit. We’re we’re fans of Ben. You know, we love everybody on the show. If I was Ben, I would have her fired >> tomorrow. Can I say one of the fun aspects of watching this show, still watching this show, is the dynamic of how uh the breakdown of communication and how arguments despite us being human beings on this planet for what I don’t know how we walking around >> 40 billion years.
>> No, I thought 4,000 or something.
>> Well, 4,000 is when Jesus and the dinosaurs were walking around. But because of the ancient empires, you know, they found a second sphinx today.
>> Did they really?
>> Yeah. Today or yesterday or something like that? Oh, I was reading about I was too busy reading about Tiger Woods getting in like his uh third car accident.
>> It’d be the fourth.
>> Oh, is that right?
>> And they’re always really bad. Tiger goes all the way. No fender benders with this guy. Everyone’s almost dead every time.
>> Right. Well, I summize that. I think he just uh uh he insists on buying cars with three tires. That’s his problem.
It’s not that he’s addicted to pills.
>> Yeah.
>> Well, and alcohol, >> right?
>> Yeah. You know, you can tell when you’re in the throws of addiction when uh the last time you did something like this, um your femur exploded out of your skin.
You know, that’s a tough thing to look at. So, if you continue to do that, having not learned that lesson, I mean, my god, you got a problem, >> man. He’s he’s worth like $1.6 billion, though. So, you know, he’s just having a good time.
>> Hire a driver. I’m sure we’ll give him the the the President Medal of Honor in like three years or something, though.
Yeah.
>> Get up here, Tiger.
>> He’s a great guy. I love him. Not a Not a great driver. [laughter] >> Not a great driver. Come on up here.
>> He drives the hell out of a ball. Not out of a car. [laughter] >> Come on up here. We’re going to bestow the highest civilian award to you right now for no reason. [laughter] >> Oh, he’s drunk. Everybody, don’t worry.
>> No, at least he’s on pills, you know, [laughter] which is way less dangerous.
Are you driving tonight? Yeah, he’s got a little kink cuz his bones exploded out of his legs. [laughter] >> I think he has fun getting into car crashes.
>> At least he’s feeling something. I mean, when you bang that many prostitutes, what really gets you off at this point?
>> Anyway, he’s a great guy.
>> Let’s take a break for an amazing word from our sponsor.
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>> Oh, they really help me go to sleep at night, so I like to take a little one after all my work is done, chill out in bed, have a nice long sleep that night.
>> Oh god. Um, listen.
You You want to freaking take some orange cream cookies?
>> Yeah.
>> Do you want to take some sour strawberry cookies?
>> Absolutely.
>> Cotton candy kush.
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>> All right. What were we talking about?
>> Mikey and Alicia are at war.
>> Oh, that’s right. You know, we’ve been told by a stranger not uh that he is the best guy.
>> I can’t stand him.
>> I I don’t know if I can’t stand All right, let me say this about him. Let me say this about him. I’m going to get serious right now.
>> Mhm. Mikey, I like you, but you’re a [snorts] [ __ ] >> You’re a [ __ ] A big [ __ ] And let me say this.
>> I don’t remember what his crat is.
>> I think we might have covered it, but I’m sure it involved your dad taking off when you were young. And maybe he was banging the local barber behind your mom’s back. And that’s why you do that to your hair. It’s >> local barber.
>> Well, I don’t know. His dad was [ __ ] the local barber, hair stylist. That’s why he does it to his hair. It’s like a form of cutting. He hates himself. You know what I mean?
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> It’s like an opus day kind of thing, but for his hair.
>> Yeah. He He wants to look at something that reminds him what happened to his horrible childhood every day. Right.
Anyway, get your [ __ ] together.
>> Yeah. And stop being a s such a [ __ ] you know, he reminds me of these kind these kids that were um they were immortalized in very many cartoons. you know, these like um >> these just these troublemakers, you know, there’s there’s the Eddie Haskell of it all. There’s the >> uh you know, Harold from Hey Arnold, he was a big bully, but just these people I I want to like say it’s like a Conroy kind of thing. Just getting in people’s [ __ ] and starting stuff. It’s like just go [ __ ] pull the tampon off the wall and shut up. go out at night, get blackout drunk, try to kiss Ellie, get shot down, say, “Oh, this never happens to me.” >> And we’ll all wonder how you could possibly think that. And it just Let’s just have fun with it, you know?
>> Yeah. Because, you know, him breaking her balls, I mean, despite her kind of being horrible in the gy, >> one of the worst.
>> Fair enough. But unlike her working in the galley, she’s an exquisite uh towel.
>> One of the worst. Well, but she’s good at folding towels.
>> She’s not really good at much. And we love Alicia. We’re excited to talk to her, but she may be one of the worst seats we’ve ever seen.
>> Well, she’s better at folding towels than Mikey. So, Mikey, take notes.
>> Take notes. Uh, dessert is a chocolate fondant with a raspberry Kool-Aid. The guests love it. It looked to me like um h I think that desserts and confectionary classes are a little bit big uh too big of an ask in a hospice ward, but it does seem to me like um people that were on their last leg got wheeled into a room to make this dessert.
Okay. Uh, let’s move on to at some point Eddie gets thirsty and because of that he’s evidently forgotten to put champagne and glasses in the room of the two paying guests. Now, I think everyone who encountered Mark and Clay fell in love with them as did I. Do not. These people are so lovely. Don’t [ __ ] this up. They are so patient with how bad you all are at your jobs. If they ask for champagne in their room, it’s their wedding. Hey, Mikey, you know, I know that you’re I don’t know. What are you doing? Shaving your chest while things are going on. Drinking water.
>> Get the champagne in the [ __ ] room.
>> Now, I know Jenna’s busy, but at some point, you have to understand that your coworker is such a colossal [ __ ] up and useless. Sorry, Mikey. You are. Yeah.
>> Um that you just say, “You know what?
We can’t we can’t risk being looked upon as u even more fuckups than we are.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
>> Uh Mikey, go take a [ __ ] or something.
>> Exactly. I’ll do it.
>> You know, if you’re in a U-shaped U-shaped ambush in the jungles of Vietnam, you have to understand that the guy next to you, he’s going through something. He’s panicked. He’s not going to help. This is not a teaching moment, right? This is life or death.
>> So, you push him in front of you.
>> Exactly. [laughter] Exactly. You have to find a way to make the situation work for the most people.
And if that means throwing Mikey in front of a [ __ ] hail of bullets, you have to do that.
>> Mhm.
>> Ben and Ally have a little chat and Ben says very bigly, “I want to apologize for the way that I spoke to you.” >> Um, do you want to say anything about your side of the street?
>> To which Ellie responds, >> “Yeah, I would. Why don’t you say what she said?
>> Um, >> why don’t you [ __ ] off? [laughter] >> Yeah.
>> Yeah. And that’s when I think she heard the bombs.
>> Yeah. Cuz this was nuts. I mean, we’ve had a refractory period of probably 2 hours.
>> Mhm.
>> And she gets right back up to 9 or 10 so [ __ ] quickly after an apology. Again, I don’t want to be, you know, clean white New Balance HR lady, but you know, Ellie’s gone in my book after this night. This was unhinged.
>> Now, what’s interesting about Ellie, we’ve had her on the show a number of times. She is sweet as pie except when you don’t put sugar.
>> Yeah, evidently.
Um, and but she is one of these types that if she goes too long without addressing an issue, she gets really hot >> and then it blows up. [clears throat] >> So, I think that’s what she needs to work on if I’m her therapist.
>> Daisy has to head in and actually get her out of the kitchen.
>> And she’s a roommate.
>> Yeah. Daisy has to say she pulls rank and says because Ben could pull rank and go, “Get out. I’m your boss.” But it’s not registering. She’s on Shutter Island right now. There’s so much blood.
>> Yeah. And to remind the audience um how the boat works in the dynamic of leadership, [clears throat] technically the chef is his own department.
>> Yeah. The hierarchy goes captain um ironically enough um coal shoveling gremlins that we never see.
>> That’s the >> right and then the chef.
>> That’s right. So yeah, Ellie would be toast. So um Daisy sets into sets into bed with Ellie and Ellie’s like, “I got so mad.” And Daisy’s like, “No, it’s okay. It’s all right.” No, it’s it’s definitely not. Um it’s definitely not >> what she did. You you at this point, you have to calm people down. It’s exactly what Jah was doing with Ben, >> right?
>> These are It’s a coping kind [clears throat] of helping people. You can’t confront them at this hour. No, it’s a little shmere. You got to just shmere.
>> Ah, shmere. I mine is shmere just a a word for just a topping on like a bagel.
>> Uh, well, shmere could be used as a verb or a noun.
>> Okay. Cuz mine would be hummus. I love hummus.
>> You love hummus.
>> I eat the whole container.
>> Okay. That’s a lot of carbs.
>> That’s what my wife says. I love it. I’m addicted.
>> Really?
>> Oh, love hummus.
>> Yeah. No, you could do a shmear of hummus, but if it’s if it’s a noun, it’s it’s cream cheese.
>> Shmere is cream cheese.
>> Okay.
>> You don’t like cream cheese.
>> I don’t like cream cheese.
>> You don’t like any kind of cream cheese.
>> I bet you like a like a light whipped.
>> Maybe.
>> Yeah, that makes sense for you. A light whipped.
Whatever cream cheese Philadelphia can pump out with the most [ __ ] chemicals [laughter] and the lowest amount of calories.
That’s Pats.
>> Mhm.
>> Would you do a lock shmear?
>> No.
>> It’s my favorite shmear. I have to tell you. Just little bits of dead fish in cream cheese. It’s disgusting if you think about it. Yeah, >> it really is. Next morning, >> next morning >> we get to the dueling convos with Cap and heads of department. Uh, the J man says, “Uh, look, this whole thing got quite heated. I think you guys have gone to have a conversation with each other and shmear this over. If the next 48 hours, we’ve got 48 more hours.” I mean, it’s bananas. Breakfast is ordered.
>> You should have just said end of charter.
>> Yep. Uh, breakfast is ordered. Uh, veggie omelette is requested. Now, if you are complaining about water seeping out of an egg dish and that egg dish is specifically ordered by you and that is a veggie omelette, sorry, you ordered one of the most disgusting things you could possibly order in an omelette bar.
Um, [screaming] I know we’re vegetarian probably, but let’s do a let’s do a cheese omelette or let’s just do let’s just do eggs. Once we start including vegetables in there, it it can leak.
>> What is what is a soft egg order?
Technically, >> a soft scramble.
>> Yeah.
>> Is a French preparation of eggs.
>> Okay. Uh where >> he said it was Did What did he say it was? European.
>> He Yeah, he lost it. Uh he didn’t know what it was. And it’s it’s one of the most uh you know how like [laughter] Mhm. And we’ve talked about it before.
Chickens just have it brutal.
>> Oh yeah, they do.
>> Yeah. They have it really really tough because um you know what is our favorite form of chicken?
>> Chicken McNuggets.
>> It’s a chicken McNugget.
>> Not mine.
>> What’s yours?
>> None.
[laughter] >> You don’t like any chicken?
>> Uh no.
>> You don’t like a chicken tender?
>> Not anymore.
>> What do you mean not anymore?
>> Ask me the last time I’ve eaten chicken.
>> No, I don’t want to.
>> You went out to You went out to eat with me what, two weeks ago? Did you see me order a single thing of meat?
>> No.
You got nachos?
>> Not with chicken on them.
>> There’s no chicken on that.
>> Mm-m. [clears throat] >> Wow.
>> Well, you look good.
>> Thank you.
>> Anyways, a soft scramble is one of those things where if you’re working in the culinary world, that’s one of the first things you have to have down pat, right?
Knife skills have to be there. Also, you have to be able to know what to do with eggs. The fact that I mean this looked like an egg dish that was that was served to somebody in coach, you know.
>> Yeah. That they uh heated up in a microwave.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Uh you would hate a soft scramble. I know it.
Lot of butter.
Low temperature. Just constant stirring.
Constant stirring so that it it kind of pours out kind of like almost like a custard. It’s very loose. You know what I mean?
>> Yeah. Also, he put uh truffle in truffle oil in there.
>> You know, everyone knows how we feel about truffle oil.
>> Yeah.
>> Okay.
>> Cheers.
>> It’s a three card monty of the culinary world. All right. So, um the guests are not happy. It looks like um I know some kind of [ __ ] [laughter] Some kind of uh [sighs] thin [ __ ] Yeah. Uh, Captain Jason has a talk with Ellie. He says, “Hey, listen.
Uh, I want to talk to you cuz, uh, the other day you lost it, right? You snapped. I thought you were going to kill somebody.” So, we can’t have that again. Uh, good luck. We get to the beach. Less of a beach and more of a really scary pile of sand in the middle of the ocean that could disappear in a moment’s notice. I would never set foot on that island.
>> We’ve been here many. This is one of Jason’s favorite spots. Is it not? Or did he find this?
>> No, we go to a new spot every season.
>> Oh, right. Right. Okay. Yeah. We’re not in Dan. We’re in a We’re near >> Gibralteria.
>> Okay. So, we found a new island that disappears. I think it’s cool.
>> Who are you?
>> I don’t know.
>> I’m I’m basic [ __ ] Maybe that’s why my wife doesn’t want to [ __ ] me.
>> All right. Take it easy. Take it easy.
Okay.
We’ve got a We’ve got rum punches. We’ve got spicy Tabasco margaritas, which like don’t make that >> [laughter] >> Alicia making a spicy Tabasco margarita.
Are you absolutely out of your mind? No, thank you. Um, we’ve got some sad news though. Jenna says that love is in the air with Eddie.
Jenna, [clears throat] one episode and you’ve faltered. You’ve broken the line.
>> Never, never, never listen to what a Cat says.
>> That’s such a good point. I mean, put it on a t-shirt. He doesn’t deserve it. And I I’m not even saying like he doesn’t deserve it because he was like a gross pig. I I He doesn’t deserve it because his game has been so bad. In a meritocratic environment, we can’t reward failure. And I really haven’t seen kind of failure on the grounds of womanizing the likes of which Eddie has displayed this season. I mean, it’s been really, really bad.
>> Ah, we’ve seen worse in past seasons.
And the adage is true. Time heals all wounds.
>> Jenna and Mikey have a little uh tiff.
Uh Mikey says, “When Jenna doesn’t want to joke, I want to wind her up even more.” >> Dumb. I hate annoying bastards.
>> What are you doing? That’s where I get back to like recess. Somebody’s just poking someone in the head, you know, sitting behind him. It’s like, why are you doing that? And famously, I think the fans know that when I was in eighth grade in study hall, Larry Hong punched Harrison Thorne in the face for doing that very same thing. Now, Jenna can’t punch Mikey in the face. This is a work environment. But because it’s a work environment, one could say, “Mikey, don’t wind people up unnecessarily. What are you in? High school?” >> Yes.
>> Crazy. Jesus. Stop.
>> Tonight’s dinner is triggering for Ben.
Because he spent $50,000 on a wedding uh with a cheating ha.
His words, not mine.
>> By the way, we we’ve been running a little bit. We we we’ve got to get Rubes on the Zoom. But have you seen that woman’s confessional video that she put on out on social media?
>> Ben.
>> Benz.
>> No.
>> Yeah.
>> What did she confess to?
>> Why don’t you round out the rest of the episode and I’ll >> Did she cop to it?
>> No. [snorts] >> No.
>> No.
>> Okay. All right. Uh we’ll round out the rest here. All right. So, uh I guess the guests are still at that island that’s ready to go away. And uh this is when uh Joah and Daisy, they practice up on that altar and uh you know they it’s a >> Chef Ben Ben Robinson’s ex fiance.
Those of you who are watching Below Deck may have heard of me and not in a positive light at all.
Everything Ben has said about me on the show is 100% false.
I have never and I would never be romantically involved with any of his friends. That’s not the kind of person I am.
The truth is I was the one that left the relationship. Not easily, I may add, because of the way he was treating me.
There was a lot of trauma I had to deal with from that relationship. And honestly, I just want it to be over.
It’s been over 2 years and I really feel like I’ve healed.
And the internet blowing this up and demonizing me, [snorts] [snoring] >> you know? I mean, [clears throat] hear her out. Hear her out.
>> There’s another minute and 30 seconds left in that video.
>> Well, he’s gotten a whole season to throw her under the bus. Yeah. No, it’s a really good point. But my point is when he’s throwing her under the bus, I don’t care. And when she’s talking about him throwing her under the bus, I don’t care. I mean, who could possibly care about these two?
>> Yeah. [snorts] You know, >> I guess that’s true.
>> But [clears throat] listen, we’ll we’ll we’ll break down Wolves are brut the whole thing later on in the season.
We’ll come back and we’ll do the Two Towers version of that that video, >> right? Yeah.
>> Okay. Well, anyway, uh so the wedding, um as the wedding’s happening, Alicia, she aspires to have the kind of love that Mark and Clay have. You know, >> I’d say let’s start with uh not getting jealous when your coworker likes another girl. Uh and then we’ll cross the other threshold.
>> Mhm.
>> Okay.
>> Yeah.
>> And then we have that other dinner here, D.
>> And we should say the wedding between Clay and Mark is actually really cute.
You know, Mark is uh or no, Clay is a little mush and and Mark is a little >> tush.
>> Little tush. Yeah. Uh dinner is a fillet with panko crusted baby eggplant. Uh fried to a pulp. Uh looked like a little bit of a pear. Um interesting preparation. And the second course for the wedding, this is their wedding, is uh cake. So, they were served uh three pieces of uh filt and uh an eggplant and then they were served cake.
>> Pineapple upside down cake.
>> Pineapple upside down cake.
>> If you haven’t had that in a while, uh >> you’re missing out.
>> Give it me and the uh me and the kids made that a couple months ago for Christmas.
>> Yeah.
>> Oh my god. You drizzle all the pineapple juice as it’s upside down so it’s nice and moist.
>> I’ll tell you what, you know, uh you know Jenny’s >> Jenny’s >> ice cream. Uh, is that the place over on uh Burbank Boulevard?
>> They got them all over the place now, but it’s very, you know, >> they have a pineapple upside down ice cream. I’ve had it. It’s delicious.
>> Unreal.
>> All right, so we get to the guests departing.
Um, Alicia leaves a cloth behind, blames it on Mikey. Fair game.
>> That was Alicia.
>> Fair game. Yeah, I I’m a fan of that.
Um, and >> yeah, we we end on a 2B continued.
>> We Yes. with we know he’s not gonna the Captain Hot Pants is not going to fire Ben and Balk and Biscuit. He just pulls them up there to basically >> think you guys should should talk. Yeah, he just puts them together.
>> It was a dumb cliffhanger.
>> Uh anyways, um love you guys so much for listening to the show. Tell your friends, tell your family, steal all of the credit cards and go to patreon.compodcast Network. Uh we will see you next week.
I’m Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye.
>> Bye, guys.